Things not to try when you have PMS

*In Count von Count voice* 3 posts in 1 day..Count them..1..2 ..3 Posts in one day!! ha ha ha

Ok, I admit that I am not the easiest person to get along with one week out of the month. I have no problem admitting it..that is, AFTER the PMS is over. Now, during that one week, it is never my fault. NEVER!! Now that we have that out of the way..I will list some things I have learned this past week. (side note: Tread carefully with comments, the PMS is not over yet.)

So..here is my list of things I have learned not to try during PMS....

1. Do not attempt to quit smoking.
   This task is hard enough without the stress of PMS with it. I went from 9:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. without smoking. During that time I did not like anyone or anything. Combine that with PMS, it is a miracle that I did not have to hide any bodies. At one point, I had L. begging me to smoke. So, I decided to attempt to "change my habits" by freezing my ass off and smoking outside. So far, it is working. But the longer the PMS lasts, the more I smoke. I think I am getting a cold.


2. Do not attempt to diet.
   Again, something that is hard enough on its own. For some reason, during PMS, I feel this need to eat twice as much. The more sugar, the better for me and my mood. I want anything that is at least 70% sugar. I will eat sugar plain if that is the only thing available to me. This makes trying to diet very, very hard. Combine that with #1, and well, lets just say it is better to stay the hell out of my way and if you happen to run into me, you better be holding chocolate or cigarettes.


3. Baking a birthday cake for a kid.
   Ok, I get this urge to nest. I want everything to be perfect! And, please refer to #2 on the list. So, in an attempt to be a really cool mom, I made my little one a cake for her birthday. L. and I picked out this really neat cake that had pink icing with candy hearts and candy pieces in the cake itself. I figured a cake like that should not be put in just any old cake pan. So, I tore up the house looking for a bunt cake pan. I thought the little decoration and the fact that it is an odd shape would make it very cool. Little did I know that the designs do not show up when you use thick icing. Here is the end result.


4. Attempting to take care of sick family members.
   Please refer to my loving wife's blog to see how it goes when I take care of them.


5. Going to all my classes.
   It seems that every time I vow to make it to all my classes, fate laughs at me and says "yeah right". Between the kid's birthday, my cousin passing away unexpectedly and numbers 1 through 4, you can see where actually making it to all my classes was not going to happen this week. So, now I feel like a horrible student because I missed so much this week and plan on spending the weekend trying to get caught up. *sigh*

So, as you can see, these are not things to attempt while you have PMS. Now, if you will excuse me, I need a smoke, some chocolate and a shot of nighttime cold medicine.

MY NAME SAKE IS GONE!!!!

AfterEllen.com - News Alert: Eden Riegel Leaving All My Children: "Actress Eden Riegel confirmed today on her official message board she is leaving the ABC daytime drama All My Children to pursue other roles. Riegel's last episode will air February 24.
Riegel, who has played Bianca for over four years, made history when her character came out on All My Children in 2000, becoming the first openly gay teenage lesbian on American daytime television. In 2003, she made history again when Bianca and girlfriend Lena (Olga Sosnovska) shared the first lesbian kiss on daytime television.
The character of Bianca is not expected to be re-cast, although that has not yet been officially confirmed. "

This is beyond sad!! What am I going to do??? *sniff sniff* If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have the name Lesbianca. Oh...what is the world coming to?? I will no longer have a reason to watch All My Children!!!!!!!!!!!

Lesbianca Theatre Presents...Ways to torture your life partner aka When good jokes go bad

For your entertainment, Lesbianca theatre presents to you.."How to torture your life partner"

*opens book and clears throat"

L. and I have been together for over 4 years. There is an 11 year age difference between us. This is something that has been an on-going joke since we got together. L. would ask me "where have you been all my life" to which I would reply "playing Barbies". The joke has taken many forms. Such as her talking about something that happened in the early 80s and asking me if I remember...for me to add it up in my head and say "no, I was 5 at that time". She would groan and laugh. Make some comment about robbing the cradle and we would go on with life. Now, I have made adjustments. I listen to the 80s with her and even know some of the words now. Even if the songs bring back memories of me playing in the backyard..I go with it. This is just part of who we are. We really do not notice the age difference that much. Now, we have had times when it has snuck up on us, but all in all, it is not something that is on our minds daily, that is, till she has a birthday.

Now, I am not saying that she does not take birthdays well...*cough* *laugh* ok, so I can't even type it without laughing. She does not take aging well. AT ALL. So, I know to just stay out of her way around that time, try to be as understanding as possible, or get her drunk, whichever one works better.

So, the other day we were talking and she brought up her sister's upcoming birthday, made her add up all of her siblings ages and caused her to reflect on her birthday, which is months away. So this was, what I thought, a good time to bring up a conversation we had a long time ago. I said, well you do realize that the year you turn 40, I will be 29. We all know hidesight is 20/20 and looking back, this was not a good comment to make. She did proceed to freak out. Apparently, this was not a fact she wanted to face anytime soon. I was thinking I was doing her a favor. You know, making her aware before it snuck up on us. Also, I thought it was funny. She begins to start talking about robbing the cradle again and I decided to go for broke, to get it all out. I said well that also means when you are 50, I will be 39 and when you are 60...you see where I am going. Let me let you in on a little secret. If you are looking to make someone go into total meltdown mode and decide they are going to get on the internet and find you a new girlfriend, that is the way to do it. She told me that we are now broken up because I will end up leaving her in a few years anyway. That she will pick my new, younger girlfriend for me. She talked about how it is better this way instead of waiting till she is 70, and I am still young and I end up finding someone else anyway. She said; "I can see it now, you will put me in front of the computer and tell me you are going to work. Then, you will get in the car with the woman you are seeing and tell her it is ok, that L. is looking at a screensaver and thinking she is playing a computer game. It will keep her busy for hours. Or you will leave me in front of the tv and I will think you just work a lot."

I still giggle about it to this day. No, I am not single, but every once in awhile, she talks about shopping for me a younger girlfriend.

*closes book*

And that, my friends, is how to torture your life partner.

Funny = gay?

Well, I am feeling a little better today. The only thing I have been doing for the past few days is go to class, sleep, pick up the kid and sleep some more. After being a bad bad student today by skipping class all together and staying in bed, I can honestly say I am feeling much much better.

Now, about the title of this post. I have mentioned before that I have a favorite instructor. Now, you can ask my wife about this. I have liked this woman since my first semester in school. Every semester I have her in a class, my wife hears about her. After hearing me go on and on about her, she got to meet her and it all came together. This woman is awesome. You can tell she is not there just for the paycheck, she actually loves her job. She likes to teach by taking people out of their comfort zone and opening their eyes to the world around them. She is the most open-minded person I have ever met and she leaves quite an impression on people. I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. So..here comes the story of the title.

I was in class the other day and we were covering Walt Whitman. During the lecture, Mrs. N. talked about Whitman being openly gay when it was not popular to be out and how he was fired from a job because of it. Keep in mind that the class I am in is an upper sophomore level course. This means that the people in this class have a couple of semesters under their belt. So, during the lecture I hear, in a southern drawl, "so he was funny?". Now, without skipping a beat, Mrs. N. replies "no, he was not funny, actually he was quite serious". I mean, how can you not love this woman?

Which brings me to the title... How do people come up with this slang for gay people? We hear all kinds of slang, but where does it come from? Sure, us gay people have a witty sense of humor, we get that with our rainbow card..but we are funny? *insert the hand motion here, you know which one* Or fruity? Is it because our symbol is the rainbow and they think of skittles and that is a fruity flavor? Ok...maybe I need to get back on the cold medicine.

*leaving computer to hunt down the cold pills*

My only excuse is the cold medicine made me do it

As I am sure you have noticed, I have added my puppies to my profile picture. Why? Because they are cuter than I am. I noticed during my winter break from school that I have developed a huge, if not unhealthy, attachment to my little furry family members. I am at the point that I miss them when I am gone, even if it is an hour for class. I talk to them all day and in the middle of the night. It is scary. But, they are my babies, and therefore, their pictures shall be on every website that will let me put them there! They make you smile and you know it.

Anyway, I am sick. Thanks to L feeling this need to share everything, including her sickness. So, here I am taking a script that the Doctor gave me when I had the flu. The way I look at it, if it was good enough for that, it will work for this. I can never take them for very long because of the side-effects. The label warns you not to stand up quickly, because you could pass out. I am starting to think that is a small price to pay compared to the upside of the other side-effects. With these pills, I am in la la land, have energy(although I do not sleep that much), and not hungry. This is better than any diet pill I have came across. Yes, I am taking the risk of falling out in a classroom full of people, but my jeans are getting baggy. Maybe I should take a hard look at my priorities. Although, L is not letting me go too long without eating. So, my diet plan is not working as well as it could be. But, I did make it to all my classes today. I feel like shit, but I have enough energy to drag my ass in there and pay attention, well as much as I can in la la land. Every once in awhile, I stop and look at the pretty colors. I haven't had anyone stare at me with the look of "what is wrong with that woman", so I think I am faking having it together quite well. I haven't been able to read anything for more than 5 minutes..but...oh..what is that on the t.v.? Oh wait, I am writing. Oh yeah, I can't stay focused very well, but I am there in body, which in my book makes it a good day. My goal this semester is to actually show up for class. Unlike last semester, when I just wanted to show up to the class of my favorite instructor. I will do my ode to Mrs. N. sometime. She is one awesome woman. But, that is a post all its own.

So, one of my fans suggested posting about my experience as a mom. I always have funny stories that I forget till she reminds me of something I have told her..so here it goes...

As my family knows, I am not to be trusted around candy. It is like my own personal addiction. Candy and donuts. Now, if I am to continue to be able to wear the clothes that I own, I must be kept away from those two things. So, after getting into the child's Halloween pumpkin one too many times, I requested that it be hidden from me. I am going to assume that it was hidden in her bedroom. Well, with candy out of sight and out of mind, things went smooth for a few months. So, the other day I was in the bathroom, getting ready to go somewhere and the little one approaches me with an offering of candy. Please refer to the beginning of this paragraph. So, I politely decline and say, "it is your candy, keep it". She tells me no, I want to share it with you. So, here we are, her offering me chocolate and my addiction kicks in. I try though. I say no again. She says please, for me? Now, who can resist that? So, I take it and pop it in my mouth. She asks if it is good and I tell her yes and thank you. So, off she skips to the other room. From where I am, eating my candy, I hear the following conversation.

Little one: L, would you like some candy? (keep in mind that L does not share above mentioned addiction and is not as easily influenced as I am when it comes to chocolate)

L: No thank you honey, you keep it.

Little one: Please L? I want to share it with you.

L :No thank you, it is your candy.

Little one: Please???? Mom ate some.

Keep in mind, I am still chewing on said piece of candy, and smiling at this cute conversation...thinking that L will be weak like I was and just take it.

L : Where did you get it?

Little one: From the closet.

Now, this is where it kicks in for me. I am eating candy...from the closet. Now, I am not sure if this candy was in a box..or just lying there in the open space for months. Who knows??

L: Well, honey, you should not eat candy from the closet.

Little one: Well, mom ate it.

So, this is where I run into the room and at least make sure it was in the box before she gave it to me. To this day I am not sure if it was. The little one said it was, but I am not sure I really believe her. So, for those of you reading, never take candy without asking where it came from first.

Well, since my time of focusing on something is up and I am out of things to write about. I hope to get well soon so I can blog daily. Well, it could be more than once at day. Who knows? Oh...look at the pretty colors............

*in Captain Kirk voice* Blog date...ah, I never watched Star Trek anyway

So, one of my fellow bloggers said to start writing and something will escape..if you blog it, they will read perhaps? Ah, who knows.

Ok..I was thinking this morning about something to blog..because my two fans wait on their daily reading. So...what came to mind, as I spent my usual two hours getting ready this morning, is this, when has casual been taken too far? Don't get me wrong..I am all for women being natural and all. I don't live by it, but hey, if that is what you like.

As a full-time college student, I know how tired you get and some days, it takes all you have to drag your ass to class. Hell, I have even showed up with the sweatshirt, jeans and hair in a ponytail. So, trust me, I understand. But...there should be a boundary as to what is just comfortable and what should be left at home.

Let me fill you in on the college I attend. I am going to a 2-yr. college, that offers programs along with degrees. Safe bet for me, because that means that there are more adults going and I won't be stuck with all these kids that have just graduated and have no clue what life is about. So, there is the background of the college.

So, I was thinking this morning that the instructors take the time in the morning to look nice. The women in nice slacks or skirts, men in dress pants and nice shirt. Sure, they get casual Friday, and they get to wear jeans. But, they still look nice. Now, I think, as a student, the least I can do is make an effort to look nice also. Apparently, I am one the few that think this way. Granted, I live my life under the school of thought of "fashion over comfort". Most people do not think that way and that is cool. But some articles of clothing should not see the light of day. Below, I will list some of these clothes.

The stretch pant: Not the spandex ones *cringes at thought*, I have not seen spandex, thank God. I am talking the ones that are cotton and come in all kinds of colors. The ones that come with a nice looking matching shirt or sweater..the nice ones, I am ok with. I am talking about the ones that are not part of a matching set. These things have no place in a school setting..why? Because they distract from my learning environment. How can I learn anything with those running around. So, ok..ya have a nice pair sitting at home..and ya have a cute shirt that matches..by all means, wear them. But, make sure the shirt covers the ass area. Because, even J-Lo's ass does not look good in those. And, I should not be forced to have to see that every single say and wonder why the hell you could not find a shirt long enough to keep me from having to see it.

Bleached clothes: Again, have no place in school. Yes, I have my clothes that I wear to clean house and things of that nature. They have paint or bleach or some other cleaner spot on them. If you come to my house, and I am cleaning, then you will see them. But, I DO NOT wear them outside of the house. Hey, I can understand..your are cleaning, you run out of something, you run to the store, that makes sense. But, you have known for days that you have a class to go to. This is not something new. Is that the only thing you could find to wear that day? I mean...out of all the things you own, you choose the bleached out house-cleaning clothes?

T-shirts with holes in them: I mean, come on?? No other shirt was there to wear? NONE?

Those are the only ones I can think of, I am sure I will add more.

Ok, so before people start going off about how they do not have the money for new clothes, I want to make this clear. I am not saying buy something new, I am saying that I have seen these people in clothes that are not in the above mentioned list. I am talking about people just not caring enough to make an effort. Remember, I am a poor college student too. But, damn people! Is it that hard to make the effort in the morning?

If I can get a kid that is just as concerned with looking nice as I am to school, go to school and be a freakin Girl Scout leader, then you people can take the extra 5 minutes it takes to find something presentable to wear. That way I can come to class and learn, instead of saying wtf made them decide to wear that today??

*sigh* I am so glad I got that off my chest. This just really bugs me. I mean, where are the days of making a good impression?

Ok ok ok, end rant here.

To blog..Or not to blog..That is the question

Ok..so this is my first attempt at a blog. What is a blog exactly? Shall we go into the many things that one can do as a blogger? Speaking of the word blogger, my English instructor was telling us that the word dot-commer was added to the dictionary. She said that since blogs are becoming so popular, she is sure that the word blog will be added soon. Just think..I can be frontier blogger and can tell my grandchildren one day that I was a blogger before Webster knew there was such a thing as bloggers, and they will gasp at the thought and go tell all their friends about their grandma and they will be so cool because their grandma is special...*sigh* ok..back to reality..they will ask for money or candy, wipe my drool if I am lucky and run away. But it doesn't hurt to hope, does it? While I am at it..I looked it up, dictonary.com has the word blogger..but Webster doesn't. One of those strange things I thought I would share. Another strange thing is that blogspot's spell checker does not have the word blog in it....ok, I really must move on.

While I am on the topic of getting older, my age is really catching up with me. I catch myself doing and thinking things that make me snap back to reality of the aging process. Take for example the other day, I was sitting in the parking lot..waiting for my niece to get done with soccer practice. Of course, this is the perfect opportunity to people watch. So, I am watching the kids play and thinking happy thoughts of how much fun they are having and how nice it is to be young. So, I am watching these kids and I see one go to a car, the parking lot beside the one I am in. I am thinking, must be her parents car and she is putting her stuff in there. But, then I notice that she has the keys, and is getting in..*gasp* the drivers seat. And I think..she is too young to drive..where are her parents?!?! Then, it dawns on me..she is old enough. I am at that age..the age where kids are actually teenagers and I am getting old.

If that story isn't bad enough, I must tell you about my packing for New Years. So, every year, my beautiful wife, or girlfriend, or domestic partner (which means we are domesticated...we potty indoors and cook our food on a stove), significant other (as opposed to an other that is not significant) or spouse, do you see where I am going?..oh yeah, New Years. Anyway, L and I always go to our best friend's house to celebrate New Years. So, I am packing the usual stuff, clothes for overnight, my make-up, just in case we go out to eat the next morning, smokes, our stuff to drink, the usual. So, as I am packing, I ask L if I need to pack..are you ready for this?....our tummy pills and energy pills. Now, if that does not say getting old, I don't know what does. How many young people do you know that have to pack something to keep them awake to party and also something to protect their stomach because it just doesn't handle alcohol that well anymore? It was a sad sad day.

Well, this is my first week back to school. And, my ass is a block away..can someone go get it and bring it to me? I am hoping for a good semester. I am thinking that this one will be better because I am interested in almost all my classes. I am supposed to be reading my computer assignment for tomorrow. I realized that I wanted to put this off for bedtime reading when I read the first heading of the section. It is titled "what is a computer?" *raising eyebrow* I could be totally wrong about this but, I think I have figured that out already. It is not like I am sitting here wondering why the paper isn't coming out as I type. I mean really, does anyone ask that question anymore? I just wonder if they have had a student come in and say, "I am supposed to be in a computer class...what is a computer exactly?" So, yeah...sounds like bedtime reading to me.

Well, maybe this would be a good time to end this first ramble. I know that I will have plenty to post...after all, I see people everyday that would make really good rants.. I think I have my next one already. Wanna know what it is? Naw..I should make you wait. Ok..here is a hint..when did stretch pants come back in style?