Today's episode of Dumbass..we welcome Lesbianca

*applause from crowd*

Today, we welcome Lesbianca! *crowd goes wild*

Announcer (which is also me, haven't taken my pills today): Welcome Lesbianca!

*Lesbianca bows*

Announcer: You say here that you are a good person to have on Dumbass because you are the female version of Tim the Toolman Taylor (sorry if that show is before your time..watch the reruns). So, Lesbianca, what makes you think that?

Me: Um..because my wife said I am.

Announcer: Ok...and she says that why?

Me: Because, everytime I do home repair, I injure myself.

Announcer: Ok..tell us about your latest home repair injury.

Me: Ok..it went like this......We had one of those shelves that sit on top of the toilet. It was not working so well, because every time we had to work on the toilet, we had to move it. It was getting to be a pain in the ass. So, I thought it would be better if we had one that attached to the wall. That way, we would not be stuck moving it or taking it apart to fix the toilet. Well, while shopping, I also found a toilet paper roll holder that matched, and since our other one was broke...it made sense to get a new one. So, I buy the stuff and take it home. Putting together the new shelf was easy and taking down the old one wasn't that bad. So, all in all, it was going well.

Then, it was time to replace the toilet paper roll holder. Now, you would think it would be easy, since one side already fell off on its own. The old one was metal and really really old. So, I just had to remove one side. After 30 minutes of turning and twisting and pulling, the thing would not budge at all. So, what option is left? Force of course! So..*rubbing hands together*, I get myself planted well, grab with both hands, and pull with every bit of body weight I have. And, guess what?! Force did work! And with that full force, I came up and hit myself squarely in the nose.

As we all know, it take a couple of mins for pain to truly register when you hurt yourself in certain places. I now know that the nose is one of those places. I had enough time to think, before the pain set in, that if my nose is broken, I am really going to be pissed.

Now, the pain has registered...and the tears are flowing and I am bleeding. I am more mad that I am a dumbass than the fact that I hurt my nose.

Good thing for me is that I hit the squishy part (yes, that is the medical term for it) and did not break anything. Although, I have a nice little cut on my nose for my efforts. Oh yeah, blowing my nose isn't so great either. But that new toilet paper roll holder is firmly in place!

Announcer: Well, we all know now why you were featured on Dumbass...contact us again with your next stupid move! Thank you for coming.

Me: Thanks for having me! *waves to crowd and runs into Camera 1*