Dinner time!

It is no secret that I am not good at cooking. For example, L. asked me to start baked potatoes one day. She said to wrap them up and put them in the toaster oven and let them cook. So, I followed the instructions exactly like she had asked. About 5 hours later, we decided to eat something different, so we put them in the fridge, with plans to eat them the next day. L. put them in the toaster oven the next day to warm them up and about 2 hours later, she checked them. They were still raw in the middle. We still have not figured out how someone can cook a potato for 7 hours and it not be done.

This is not the only time. I was in charge of the Thankmas turkey. (You would think she would learn, right?) Anyway, I ask her the night before to please write down the directions for me, in detail. She says, it is easy. Wrap up the turkey in foil, put it in the oven and let it cook. So, I ask "wrap it up?" She says yes, wrap it up. I am thinking, I can do this, no problem. I get the turkey and read the directions on it and it does not say anything about wrapping it up. So...I was like well, L. said to. I take the foil, put the turkey in the middle and wrap it, much like a Christmas present. It looked nice. I stuck it in the oven. L. comes home early to find the turkey, wrapped nicely for Thankmas, in the oven and is shocked. She says how many turkeys have you seen wrapped like this????? I said well none, but I don't cook them. They could have been wrapped like that! I am thinking she saved the turkey just in time.

As you can see, it is safer for me to just buy food on the way home. She asks me what I did before we got together. I said I had fast food, vending machines and easy mac. I was set!

Anyway, I was really tempted tonight to stop at McDonald's on the way home. After all, the kid was begging me to. But, against my better judgment, I decided to cook for my little angels. (Feeling sorry for them yet?) I went with something that I at least know how to cook. Chicken strips.

We get home and I get everyone set up to chill out while I cook. Cooking for me takes total concentration. One time, I was cooking frozen burritos and burned them. Not to mention countless things, including my p.js that have been burnt. Anyway, the baby and the older one are supposed to be hanging out in the den. On the way to the den, the older one falls, in the kitchen floor. Odd thing is, there was nothing in the floor to trip over. So, now she is crying. So kisses, hugs, all that and send her on her way. Now, back to the task at hand. I put the chicken in the microwave to thaw, have the oil getting hot and decide this is a good time to step outside for a cig. I get outside and get one lit when the smoke alarm goes off and the older one is at the backdoor, holding the little one, yelling fire drill!!

This would be the point I banged my head against the door.

So, I come in, no fire, no damn smoke, nothing. But, the super sensitive smoke alarm detected something. Since I am so short, I have to get something to get it to stop. The older one finds this very entertaining and proceeds to laugh at me. After I am done, I give the kiddos something to snack on and get my chicken ready. Then the baby starts screaming.

I decided that in the den was not a good place for the kids. So I move them up to the dining area so I can keep an eye on them. There is the baby, with a cookie in each hand, and food all over her. The older one is dancing circles around her. As I start to flour the chicken, I get bumped by the dog running over my feet and end up with flour all over me.

After much cussing under my breath, and many stops to get more cookies and to kick the dogs out, the food is ready. So, I set up the baby's chair, so she can eat and getting plates ready. Here is the one for the big kid, baby's is cooling, one for the wife, since she is at work and mine. I go to put the baby in her seat and find that, even though she can not crawl, she has made her way to the dog dish and is reaching for dog food.

I run to her while saying nooo nooo and hearing the big one laugh at me. Finally, we sit down for dinner.

Next time, I am buying McDonalds.